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[Aug. 6th, 2009|01:59 pm] |
Like I've said countless times; as far as I'm concerned, a blog is written with other people in mind. No matter what anyone might say about their blog being private, or personal, or whatever, and no matter how much they might rage on about people stumbling upon(and/or commenting on) their 'private' online journal, if you've put it up on the internet, it's fair game for the world to see.
I've also said that most things truly worth blogging about aren't meant for other people to read. Important things aren't for the world to know, because anyone that would really care or really matter should find out anyway.
And so it's taken me exactly 7 months and 7 days to find something worth blogging about again; something that's fantastically important, but that I also want the world to know(whether they like it or not). No, this is not a coming out speech...morons :P
On August 5th, 2009, God decided saw fit to allow me a career in Anaesthesia. In the culmination of the last 2-and-a-half years of Divine machinations, - beginning with sending me somewhere I didn't want to go, but needed to be - I've been awarded a training position at Western Health in 2010. The steps along the way have been too non-coincidental; too *perfectly* timed, to have been anything else but Intervention. All I can say is Praise God...you should too.
And then there's this thing arriving in the mail tomorrow, but that's another story ;P
No honors student am me, but Anaesthetist shall I beeeee! |
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[Jan. 27th, 2008|11:00 pm] |
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I think this is probably the 7th or so time that I've opened up a post window and stared blankly at it. Yay...I've finally typed a sentance, which I suppose is one up on the last half dozen attempted posts. |
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[Jan. 16th, 2008|09:01 pm] |
So you watch, as every little thread of hope is systematically snatched away from before your eyes. Bit by bit, every little thing you were banking on to provide some shred of joy or even sanity disappears. If your lucky, they're taken quickly; and if you're not, they're dangled there in front of you, waiting for the instant you reach out, so that they can be whisked away, inches from your outstretched fingers...
I'm tired. Is there really any reason to press on when you know that nothing will come of it? At least not for you...
I thought there was a God? |
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[Jan. 4th, 2008|11:10 pm] |
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People suck. The more you think about it, the fewer redeeming qualities the human race has. Don't bother with the global picture; just look around you. People are lazy and selfish and stubborn. They lie and take advantage of those around them. People are plain ignorant so much of the time that it's almost not laughable anymore. They nuzzle up to you when they're in need, and turn on you the minute you don't give them what they want.
Everyone wants just 'one little thing'. It's for some reason beyond their comprehension that there might be a gazillion other ppl out there each with their 'one little thing', and when you ask it all of one person, it becomes a gazillion things. They can't see beyond the fact that they need this one thing from you, and that you're the embodiment of evil for not granting them that. And what happens when you do? They ask again. And again. And then more people ask, and ask, and ask.
I think I can count on one hand the number of people who have felt anything but relief when their 'one little thing' was done for them. People suck. |
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[Nov. 18th, 2007|07:47 pm] |
I worry somewhat about my capacity to feel. Not the run-of-the-mill emotions like anxiety and sadness and all that; but the spectacular ones like fear, or terror, or panic, or the rush that comes with any of those things.
Climbing buildings used to give me that, but it doesn't anymore. Jumping off decent heights does it a bit, but when a two-airbag car collision doesn't even make my hands shake, then you have to wonder what the heck is going on with me.... |
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[Nov. 16th, 2007|09:04 pm] |
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This is one of those times that I feel the desperate need to fly; or fall. So much so that the sudden stop at the end doesn't bother me at all... |
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[Nov. 7th, 2007|08:41 pm] |
Second post in 4 days...geez, I must have nothing better to do...
Hard drive died. Technology. bah. |
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[Nov. 5th, 2007|08:01 pm] |
A very periodic post about the same old same old...
I've been flashing through scenes from recent weeks and nothing's really changed. I get along well with people, entertain people; all at a superficial level, of course.
No one ever gets close though. Revelations of self are scary..especially when that self is me. People would rather not know. |
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[Jun. 30th, 2007|10:23 pm] |
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For Unwanted Insight into me, click ( here ) |
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[May. 4th, 2007|12:36 am] |
Yes, so it's been a long time. How long? Someone go check, 'cos I'm lazy.
As it is I have no idea what to write. The little inconsequentials in life seem so...small and...inconsequential, and aren't the big things too big to let just anyone know?
And so this abruptly ends. |
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[Feb. 12th, 2007|09:35 pm] |
Ugh...I'm only updating because my brother is disgusting me. Not pissing me off, but *disgusting* me. He's talking to some friend on the phone and embelishing the story of his back operation like mad. It's amazing how he can exaggerate with such conviction. Wow...100 situps a day..sure..rite. He forgets that I was there when all that happened, and I was there when he was making excuses about why he couldn't do situps and crunches n things 'cos it was bad for his back...
And he says it in a tone that makes it sound like he suffered so much and is so strong for it. Gah! Many was the time when he would heartily participate in chruch activities and games, and use the excuse 'oh, my back hurts' to get me to carry the equipment for the day.
Disgust... |
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[Dec. 13th, 2006|01:02 am] |
Make no mistake my friend, your former actions bring you no leeway, no credit. As sure as morning dew is burnt away, so will the memory of anything you do vanish. You will be dealt with as, if not more severly than others. As Chocolate may taste good on people's tongues when they eat it, and be adored for that moment, it's treated like any other food after only a quick swallow. Even worse: Wait for a day and it's hated for making people's thighs fat. And what happens if you doesn't taste good? You get spit out. So end the lesson.
Hm... |
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[Dec. 10th, 2006|05:17 pm] |
| Your EQ is 153 | 
50 or less: Thanks for answering honestly. Now get yourself a shrink, quick!
51-70: When it comes to understanding human emotions, you'd have better luck understanding Chinese.
71-90: You've got more emotional intelligence than the average frat boy. Barely.
91-110: You're average. It's easy to predict how you'll react to things. But anyone could have guessed that.
111-130: You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt.
131-150: You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others. Only the biggest losers get under your skin.
150+: Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar. |
Fat lot of good... |
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[Dec. 2nd, 2006|04:27 pm] |
No Joy. Not even at graduation. I had the chore of having to organize for 5 guests instead of the usual 3. That in itself was a record, given that most ppl were hard pressed to get even one extra ticket. Got one extra ticket after much fonecalling, whereafter parents said that they wanted *another* ticket for - and here be the slap in the face - my brother.
The afternoon started with me being delayed by my dad, who wanted to follow me to get guest tickets. Onli problem was that he had to bathe first. That delay left just about no time for preceremony banter and photographs with ppl. Useless brother, naturally, required 2 separate phone calls to find where I was, despite me being next to the entrance of the student union.
The ceremony was...long. When the undergrad Honors students went up to collect their degrees, I just *knew* that I would be given shit by my parents when we got home for not being up there with them.
After the ceremony, fucking idiot brother brought mum and grandma up to the refreshment area instead of to the predetermined meeting spot for pictures. Did I mention his phone was not contactable at this time? By the time we all managed to get together, there was about 5 minutes left to take pictures before I had to return my gown. Oddly enough, despite me trying to smile, no such look came out in the pictures. Guess a bad mood shows, despite. 'Course bro had to give his 'contribution' to things. He said that if I wasn't happy about taking a photo with him, then I could delete it. He then told my mother that I had told him I would delete the photo we took. Funny thing being that the photo didn't come out...dad didn't press the button long enough :P Naturally, mum cross examined me about it before letting it go.
And to cap off the day, I had a decent, but expected, lecture from my mum about scoring honors, and why I hadn't asked anyone about the cut-off for honors, etc, etc, etc....
Such a fun day. |
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[Nov. 17th, 2006|10:47 pm] |
I clearly have an inability to get a normal high. We finished our exams today. Our final exams. Our last final exams for a while. And while everyone was whooping and jumping about it being our final final finals for dunno how long, all I could think about were the mistakes I made in the exam, and when the results would be out. Fun, no? I so need my Lava to get here.
Got the com back today. It's essentially been gutted and refitted with new innards. Can't say I complain...makes the warranty all the more worth it. That there's about $1200 in parts alone.
Replaying old games until I can get a hold of Spinter Cell 4. Hmm... |
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[Nov. 16th, 2006|09:20 am] |
Bordem. I realize that I'm quite most definitely, without too much of a doubtedly, especially surely confirmedly bored. I need a high. The problem being that not too much gives me a rush anymore; at least nothing that won't kill or maim me. The things that *almost* kill you or maim u not so badly, I've tried, as some can attest to. And plus, the darned computer's in the shop for the rest of the week, so NO GAMES. Ugh. Who'd've thought one tiny CMOS chip could screw things up so badly? At least it makes the warranty worth it. Come to papa, new motherboard!
I orderd a new toy, in the hopes of some entertainment from that, but lo and behold, it's delayed until next week because the guy's wife just had a baby. Blah :P
Mum's around and she's going about the usual business of protecting younger bro. According to her, he's always either 'too busy', 'too stressed' or 'too has-an-exam-coming' to be asked to do anything. The fact that I do have somewhat of an exam situation as well doesn't seem to weigh in much. He gets asked to do nothing. She's so admant about it that should I refuse to do something out of protest that my brother isn't required to help out, she would rather suffer a sore shoulder and do it herself than to get him to do something. And that's after we have to customary argument about it. This is the f***er keeps me awake at nite with his room light on and brought a friend home to stay over at 1+am the night before my 8am exam. And this is also the little f*** who yaps about how he'll do stuff for my mum, etc *when his friends are around*. Don't think any of that stuff actually got done in the end.
Did I mention that he can lie to my parents faces and get away with it? It's to the stage now that mother dearest actually *defends* him when I quote his most recent transgressions against her. The classic case is her denying it happened, or blaming her bad memory for not remembering the situation. Nice. They reinforce his behaviour by allowing him to get away with light admonition, which he knows will happen, *plus* they refuse to confront him about it because he gets *very* irrational whenever anyone tries to tell him that he's done something wrong. Sorta like a 12 year old would. And even then, it'd have to be a pretty immature 12yo. Time and time again I've told them that he has to be dealt with in an appropriate fashion, ie, like a 12 year old. If he does something bad, take away one of his toys. I would put money down that if, after he had lied to and manipulated mum regarding the PDA he got, they had taken away said PDA without hope of return, we'd be a step closer to him learning a thing or 2 about honesty. No hope.
Back to the high. Maybe I should start climbing buildings again.... |
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[Oct. 30th, 2006|07:45 pm] |
What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal
-Albert Pine
*scoff* |
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[Aug. 8th, 2006|07:43 pm] |
Nightmare please be over. |
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[Jul. 30th, 2006|12:34 am] |
I'm getting brief flashes of..something, which I can only describe as mind-aches. They don't hurt, but it feels as though my brain is going to explode, and they can get so bad that sometimes my breath catches. I squeeze my eyes tightly shut until they pass. The only effective way to make them go away is to imagine something that takes my focus away. Being repeatedly struck in the face tends to work. As does the abrupt stop after free-falling from a tall building.
True nightmares don't end when you wake up...they end when you die. |
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